There is a layer of yellow on everything these days. I don’t dare stand still for long or I, too, will be covered with this ochre colored dust necessary for plant life but a form of torture to those of us who suffer from seasonal pollen allergies. Poor Mable, my 2016 VW Beetle, looked more like rolling baby poop than my cute little brown bug thanks to this demon yellow pollen. A trip to the car wash and she is now back to her shiny, sparkly, adorable self. Like everything else, this is just another part of the cycle of life.
Resistance is Futile
Having lived in Houston for more than forty years I have some learned behaviors where weather is concerned. We do not have four seasons in the truest sense; we have two seasons separated by brief transitions. We have Summer and Not Summer. In fairness to this city that I love, Not Summer is the longest season roughly spanning seven months (October – April). During this time not every day is a miserably hot and humid. That joy is reserved for May through September. This really is a city that is outdoor livable most of the year.
Back to spring and pollen.
I acknowledge that this yellow rain of pollen is a rite of spring that signals new life and fresh starts. On cue, as if directed by a tuxedo wearing conductor waving a baton, grass, trees and a multitude of perennials begin pouring their pollen into the air as spring comes knocking. I do my best to avoid outdoor activities until the local weatherman assures me the pollen counts are going down.
I am not sure why, but my spirit is welcoming the arrival spring this year. Why, as I watch the season change from inside my house, is spring a welcome event this year? Could I be ready for a change?
Seasons of Life
The different stages of life are often referred to as seasons. The season of new beginnings, children, career building, empty nest, retirement, and end of life. There is no strict path or automatic order to these seasons and certainly some are more prone to storms than others. For most of us one season blends into the next and sometimes a season is skipped in the more traditional order. If that skipped season re-enters our lives it is exciting and refreshing like a cool breeze after a spring shower. The world is fresh and alive with possibilities.
We have a front row seat to these kinds of changes of season in the lives of our daughter and oldest granddaughter. Both happening in the same week. While I don’t believe that the universe arranged for both life changing events to happen in the same week, I do take notice as it is significant.
Endings
It is true for everything – where something begins another must end. I have been desperately clinging to the season of parenting. Though not of biology, my parenting came with marriage. A difficult journey for sure but one that has brought joy, laughter, tears and a moderate amount of frustration and anger. Normal family stuff.
As I reflect back on the life I chose I see God’s hand in everything. God provided a daughter and now our beloved son-in-law and soon to be fourth grandchildren. He placed our daughter and her three young girls in our home where I was able to experience some of the joys of raising children from infancy. Man, is it hard work!
We were able to provide a home for our oldest granddaughter when she was in crisis and needed to get away from a circle of friends and a destructive cycle that was taking her to a dark, dark place.
Now, nearly two years later she is ready to begin her own life. We – all four of her parents/grandparents – are incredibly proud of her. The future is hers and she is equipped to take the world by storm.
I am not one who can just be content to putter or lunch with my friends – although I do love both of those things. No, for me to be content, life has to hold meaning and purpose. I need to know that what I do everyday makes a difference. For me, this ending feels like I no longer have a purpose in life. Then I realize that I am still drawing breath so God has more for me to do.
Beginnings
As I wrote last week, one of the endings I see in our future is where we live. I did not choose this home. I married a man who owned a home. With the exception of the apartments I lived in as a newly divorced woman, I have never chosen my own home. It is time for a new life and new memories.
During the past week I agonized over this life purpose issue. What has God created me to do during my time here? Has the purpose changed? Am I missing something? The answer was clear and suddenly the next step was revealed.
I poured my heart out to him, asking why am I still here and what difference am I to make, I had images flow through my mind of times when I did things that helped other people. THAT is who I am. I am a helper and that is not changing, only the focus and location will change. I have finished my work here, it is time for a fresh start. God not only showed me why I am here, but he has been hard at work preparing my heart for this exact moment in time.
I’m not ready to reveal any more; the time is not right, so I am quietly treasuring the journey.
May you see the fullness of God’s hand in your life and step out in faith knowing that he is always right by your side.
~Sheryl
From Where I Sit 