This has been a week among weeks.
This year taking Christmas decorations down and putting them away was more than just that. It became an overwhelming task of reorganizing, clearing clutter and trying to decide what to do with all the things we own. It has been exhausting to say the least.
Just as one corner of a room became clear, while feeling very proud and accomplished, I turned around and looked at the room behind me. I wanted to cry. So. Much. Stuff. Everywhere. Normally this level of overwhelmness (is that even a word?) causes me to procrastinate and do something fun. Sitting down with my back to the mess, to watch mindless television while knitting is always a good choice. I pushed through the temptation and kept working. Bit by bit rooms began to come together.
The final room to get a makeover is the one I am sitting in right now. The builders designed this to be a dining room. It has not functioned in that capacity for over thirty years. This is the room that tends to be the beneficiary of my clutter. I can keep the living room clear by depositing odds, ends, books, knitting, and all manner of crap in here. Then, when I can no long get to my desk, I am forced into action. Why? Why is this a pattern I seem unable to break?
I tell myself that “if only I had enough bookshelves and storage.” While there is truth in that statement, I know that even with a wall of built in bookshelves, I would find a way to recreate chaos. So, where is all that stuff now? It is all in the last horizon for items that have no home inside the house: the garage.
For now, as long as we have a path to take out the trash, I am content to leave our private storage unit as is. I have, however, taken the first step in de-cluttering as I have made arrangements to donate most of my spinning and fiber art supplies to the local weavers guild. I haven’t touched my spinning wheel in well over a year. Should I want to spin yarn, I prefer using hand spindles. I am not going to be in the business of selling hand spun yarn or spinning fiber so these lovely and expensive tools are just sitting. I could sell them, but the market for these items is fairly small and has been saturated in recent years. I’m tired. I just want them to have a good home. What I am not ready to part with is my beloved 1930’s sofa and matching chair or my hoosier cabinet. None of these have a place inside my home at this moment, but I have hope.
I tell you all of this in order to explain where I have been this week. Not writing a post everyday left me with feelings of guilt and failure. Then, I remembered, the promise was not to post everyday, but to write everyday. I have been faithfully writing. This pause in daily posting made me stop to think about why I do this and the expectations I place on myself. Maybe some of you will be able to relate.
I could sit at my computer all day researching and writing. I loose myself in the process and the become irritable when interrupted by pets or people. I really understand why writers are loners. Because I don’t live alone and there are obligations I have to other people, I must find a balance. I am also struggling with what to write about five days a week. You probably noticed I changed the name of the blog. A technique I use when I can’t think of what else to do. I want my posts to have substance or at least be entertaining and I am having a hard time accomplishing that while having a life.
Next week I will be tagging along as my husband does one of his business trips around Texas. We will be in Waco and Dallas this time. I plan on at least one post from the road. When I return, I will a plan of attack, a fresh focus and will be ready to resume a posting schedule. Hang in there with me. I appreciate each and every one of you.
Until Next Time…go easy on yourself and find your balance,
Leave a Reply