For the first time since I started this blog I have gone seven days without writing. It wasn’t intentional neglect. I had good intentions and we all know what road is paved with good intentions. I allowed myself to get busy doing the work of organizing that which I have determined cannot be organized. And then we had a dog situation that distracted me and then a house and air conditioning situation…well you get it. Life got in the way.
As is typical for me I have been obsessing over the subject of home lately. This home, a future home, stay here, flee the swamp or just hunker down? It is a constant mind game I play with myself. Am I alone? I certainly hope not, but if I am, oh well. It isn’t the first time and won’t likely be the last.
Hurricane Laura came perilously close. The damage that was done to Lake Charles Louisiana very well could have been the greater Houston area. Every year I breathe a sign of relief and thanksgiving at the end of hurricane season.
This has been my home for thirty two years. Prior to this I lived in eleven different places. I know there are folks who move more than that, but it sounds like a lot of addresses to me. When I first moved into this house with my husband I couldn’t believe I got to live in such a nice house. It was only four years old at the time and according to the standards of the mid 1980s it had all the modern conveniences and decor. It has seen joy and tears. It protected us as we raised our daughter and then somehow became enough to hold a granddaughter; then mom and three granddaughters.
House Hunters Discontent
Still, I think “I didn’t get to choose a house with my husband.” He and his previous wife built this house. But maybe this man and this house were chosen for me. I have long believed that I was brought into this family for a very specific purpose. God’s purpose. Is this purpose complete and it is time for a fresh start and new memories for us? I allow seeds of discontent to germinate and grow.
We love House Hunters, and the U.K. version, Escape To The Country, where we watch couples, empty nesters, throw caution to the wind, pack up and move to build a life unique to this time of their life. It stirs my wanderlust. I want an adventure too. I want to live someplace beautiful where I am immersed in nature with a climate that allows me to spend much of my time outdoors. I want simple. I want to have fun with my husband and dogs. We were never a young married couple with no responsibilities. I married him and got a daughter in the mix. Maybe that is why I long for this kind of experience while we are able.
Two weeks ago a friend suddenly lost her husband. Children in college, she is now alone. I think that started my mental rambling once again.
This morning while sipping my first cup of coffee and trying to wake up I listened to my favorite Pandora station – Monks Of The Benedictine Abbey. I will discuss this music in more depth another time, but for today it is John Rutter’s The Lord Is My Shepherd that I want to share. The link will take you to You Tube where you can listen for yourself.
I closed my eyes and allowed my body and soul to get swept up in the melody and words. If you have never done this I urge you to try it. There is something magical about a distraction free experience of music penetrating the soul.
“I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.”
This one sentence moved me.
The physical house I live in now is not my true home. My true home is with God, in the home He has prepared for me and all who believe. What I have here is important, but it is temporary. Physical safety and comfort are vital for the quality of one’s life. But, what I am hoping to find by moving will only be mine when I rest in the arms of my Lord in the home prepared for me. Until then, nothing will completely fill that void I feel.
I don’t know if we will move. Nothing here can bring me what I long for. So, until something happens to declare moving is the plan for our life, we will care for this house, make it what pleases us and see what the future holds. I trust God’s plans for us so much more than any fleeting fancy that passes through my head. I’m a dreamer who sometimes forgets to live in the here and now. The Covid-19 life we all lead does not help. I live inside my head more now that ever before.
So, I am taking a deep breath and doing what needs to be done today. I might just go do something fun as well. I pray your day is filled with those things that give your life meaning and purpose.