I went silent after publishing “Silence” last week. Sometimes life takes over and my brain is not able to come to the computer and write. When I do try to force the words, what emerges is not helpful, pretty and generally contains over sharing. No one needs to read the results of a public gut spilling.
In the silence I listen to God; what He has for me in that moment is personal and is preparation for coming back here. Now, I can share what I learned. So, back to the beginning of my silence.
I participate in fiber and yarn shows. I’m not consistent. I spin yarn, I dye yarn, I dye wool for spinning into yarn. I constantly look for a perfect business outlet for my work. I also like to make art with fiber – primarily woven and crochet wall art. On Friday I was in serious prep mode for a Facebook Live broadcast I was to do on Saturday. I had to finish getting my merchandise up on my website.When I am in this mode my mind is totally preoccupied. There is no room for anything more.
Belle woke me at 6:30 – she is all the alarm clock I need. I made coffee and immediately went to work on setting up the space for my upcoming Facebook video. It was a cloudy, rainy day and lighting was going to be a huge issue. I moved furniture, did a sample video to determine the best place to set things up. Once I was satisfied I got dressed and promptly at 12:30 I went live. Thirty minutes later it was over. Exhausted, I took a two hour nap.
More recovery was needed. The whole process depleted my energy. I should have been energized. I connected with people, received good feedback and sold yarn and fiber. Yet I was still mentally and physically spent. Why?
I returned to my chair, my quiet space reserved just for me. As I watched night turn to day, allowing the words of Isaiah 48:6-7 still flow through my heart and mind I had a powerful momentum change. God indeed was present in my moment of questioning. In the quiet of the early morning my senses were able to see and hear that I had finally exhausted the path I had tried so hard to traverse. The reason it was exhausting is because I have been trying to climb someone else’s hill. That is not my purpose or path. I am hardwired to help, serve, and leave things better than when I found them. I spent my working life as a nurse and teacher. Selling, simply for the sake of selling does not satisfy my soul.
There is more….but now is not the time. It is still unfolding and I choose to keep it personal and private for now. When the time is right I will share the story and the new road I will be traveling. Until then, I pray that you find the quiet and the space to hear and feel God’s presence with you. He is there. He waits. He will never leave you. Just reach out, call on Him and wait. Wait in silence expecting to receive what you need. God isn’t Santa Claus. He doesn’t necessarily give you just what you ask for. But He always gives what you need. Be ready.